Last week I received my exam schedule and topics, along with my assignment deadlines which are in April. Yikes!
I’m going back to uni on Thursday after not being there for 6 months. The prospect of being the girl who got the whispers and looks to blending in has brought on a lot of feelings I didn’t expect.
It was a bit of a catalyst for me I’m still in complete mum mode mentally. My daughter also started teething last week bless her cotton socks and I’m not yet feeling like myself which unfortunately for me is so frustrating. Life is not as I thought it would be. I’m trying so hard to find myself again but right now I’m not sure where to start.
Its disorientating to feel like you know exactly who you are and not feel like yourself; four months in and wow I adore my daughter in a way I didn’t even know I was capable of. But times passing and my thought processes are highlighting my unbelonging. I tried to throw myself into meeting local mums and whilst they were welcoming I felt uncomfortable it wasn’t my club! I couldn’t identify with them.
I am a mum yes but I don’t feel like I’m a proper mum yet, I dont have suggestions for parenting techniques and nursery ofsted reports. The idea of the collective mumosphere (my name for the mothering world) is so daunting to me because I want to be a good mum, the best one, seasoned in knowledge. I believe I will be one too however it doesn’t happen overnight and that’s where I’m finding the glitch.
I told myself in order to be enough I must be immersed in this whole new life “happily”, put myself on an unofficial deadline to have all the answers and get it all right. But, just like the exams period at uni in life you need to prepare in order to pass. So instead of viewing my week as bad I choose to see it as starting blocks for better.