MONOLOGUE.

I went to see a doctor this week specifically to talk about my lady garden. Things have changed since Sanaa’s come along. If I’m honest I like my body a whole lot less, I notice the creases and rolls a whole lot more. I like the jiggle a whole lot less, a lot less than I did before. Upon my reflection my adjectives are harsher than they should be, colder than they need to be. Admitting I love what my body did and not what it has become is hard and my gosh I hope that one day I will love it even more than I do today. I understand that everything was necessary but it has caused me to become more introverted my internal monologue has become more of a voice of reason than anything. It talks me out of feelings that I’d rather wallow in and ones I’d rather avoid. It reminds me that while I see lot I should only be seeing the authentic reality of what we created and that I have to help myself to be kind to myself so my daughter can be kind to herself too. When I cried at the thought of walking back into a hospital because of how traumatic my labour was and avoided it for 3 months, it taught me to take pride in a sentence; I went to see a doctor this week specifically to talk about my lady garden.

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