I wanted to write about how lovely my weekend was. I also wanted to share how in love I am with my boyfriend. Guys, it’s month 11 and week 2: I can’t deal. I actually can’t deal with Ed. Sometimes I feel like David Attenborough when we talk, are you of the same species? Are we speaking the same language? Who am I speaking to because I’ve known you 8 years and this is new?!?!?!?
In general this isn’t a huge thing. Particularly as we’ve not had some huge blazing row. Have you met us? We don’t even shout when we argue.
You’re not gelling with your partner or you have a barmy and you aren’t speaking. It’s normal, a part of relationships I’ve heard.
However whether or not I like it, the world I come from has higher than average rates of lone parent families. Moreover I come from one.
So while we may just be having an off week, (which compared to the last year isn’t the worst).
In the back of my mind I become all to aware, of what could happen if everyone doesn’t tread carefully. I also worry about the effects of one not so brilliant few days on my baby. Sanaa is so loved and we are sure to keep all of our disagreements away from her.
But there’s still a sullen air that lingers in the kitchen at 7am as we give each other pursed lips and curt replies. Or the unspeakables we’ve still got left in our throats, the words we didn’t already vent.
On one hand, I know that I cannot shield her from all of life’s sour grapes and faces. But, I also don’t want to contribute to the realisation mum and dad aren’t superheroes.
I think I’ve just understood part of our problem when Sans was born: I thought we’d both become superhuman. Not just the parents I dreamed for us to be, but the people I hoped we would be. Instead I’ve learnt we both make mistakes and we aren’t perfect but we love each other.
Also every discrepancy doesn’t mean we’re doomed and keeping things cordial is mum code for: I hope you know we’re not friends today just everything else. I also know if I’m not civil then I’m the one making drama. That means whatever point I had becomes void and I’m seen to be unreasonable. So, have a nice day, I love you.
Our kid will always come first; I’m not really sure where we come with each other at all.
This could all be my period talking 😂 but I suspect not. Anyway as always ups or downs my insta and blog must always come from a place of honesty. While I may not enjoy speaking about these kinds of things publicly, it’d be worse not to talk about them at all. So I thought I’d say it out loud: WE ARE NOT SUPERHEROES. Just Remi and Ed at month 11 week 2.