Happy Valentines Day!

I’ve written a love letter, it was an interesting one to create. It’s also one of the most moving and personal pieces I may ever share.

I’m sending big thank you to the girls over at Mama Tribe for letting me put this out on your blog.

Hey you,

This is going to be a tough one but long overdue. Do you remember her? Did you find her? Let me ask you this… was she the same? After all the time has passed and words have rested on deaf ears was it all worth it? Can I be honest, you always talk about honesty.

You can find the full letter here.

As always happy reading.

Remi x

Happy new year. I hope your year is going well… all 9 days.

So, I think it’s time to reintroduce Books, Baby and Back. What started as a place for me to share has become a part of my life unto itself. Firstly, the blog has gotten a makeover. She scrubs up well don’t you think? I like to think of my blog as a she because well, it’s an extension of some of my most personal moments.

When I started thinking about BBB I wrote a post on Instagram where I said: “After we have our girl I’m going to make a series of posts whether it be a blog or vlog. I can’t commit to more than around 10 (I’m rubbish at sticking to things), but we’ll see.”

Next month my (other) little baby: this blog turns one. I cannot believe that its gone from strength to strength. The community that I have found through sharing my writing and honesty has become pivotal to how much I have learnt. Watching this blog grow for me has been a personal triumph. I will continue to be open to whatever may come of this platform, seeing as “around 10” posts turned into nearly triple that.

A new feature of Books, Baby and Back is that there’s now a shop. Printed locally here in London. For the time being there are 5 prints on sale and all are customisable free of charge. I hope you like having a look at them and deciding where they’ll hang. I’m also offering a commission print service please contact me if you’d like more info. You can find the prints by clicking here.

A bit more about the new year is that it means my birthday is soon. This year I feel will be a good one, I always look forward to getting a year older. Yes, I know I maybe wishing my youth back in many years. For now though, a year older is a year wiser (that’s the idea anyway or maybe I just love a good celebration).

My motto for the year ahead is no excuses. Of course, I’ll still try and make some but my level of productivity will need to match my objectives. I have 3 months left of university too and then I’m off on summer holidays with Sanaa. Which I’ve hardly any plans for except one big one.

Save the date: Tuesday 12th of June 2018.

I’M HAVING AN EXHIBITION!!!

I decided a few weeks ago that this digital age we’re in has repelled the physical aspect of being a writer slightly. So, I’m bringing it back for one fun evening, it also gives me a chance to share some new work with you all. Once tickets are on sale I shall let you all know.

You have all been so kind and supportive of my BBB journey and I can’t say thank you enough. It’s been a great start to the New Year so onwards and upwards from here.

Don’t forget to check out the prints.

Take Care Remi x

I wanted to write about how lovely my weekend was. I also wanted to share how in love I am with my boyfriend. Guys, it’s month 11 and week 2: I can’t deal. I actually can’t deal with Ed. Sometimes I feel like David Attenborough when we talk, are you of the same species? Are we speaking the same language? Who am I speaking to because I’ve known you 8 years and this is new?!?!?!?

In general this isn’t a huge thing. Particularly as we’ve not had some huge blazing row. Have you met us? We don’t even shout when we argue.

You’re not gelling with your partner or you have a barmy and you aren’t speaking. It’s normal, a part of relationships I’ve heard.

However whether or not I like it, the world I come from has higher than average rates of lone parent families. Moreover I come from one.

So while we may just be having an off week, (which compared to the last year isn’t the worst).

In the back of my mind I become all to aware, of what could happen if everyone doesn’t tread carefully. I also worry about the effects of one not so brilliant few days on my baby. Sanaa is so loved and we are sure to keep all of our disagreements away from her.

But there’s still a sullen air that lingers in the kitchen at 7am as we give each other pursed lips and curt replies. Or the unspeakables we’ve still got left in our throats, the words we didn’t already vent.

On one hand, I know that I cannot shield her from all of life’s sour grapes and faces. But, I also don’t want to contribute to the realisation mum and dad aren’t superheroes.
I think I’ve just understood part of our problem when Sans was born: I thought we’d both become superhuman. Not just the parents I dreamed for us to be, but the people I hoped we would be. Instead I’ve learnt we both make mistakes and we aren’t perfect but we love each other.

Also every discrepancy doesn’t mean we’re doomed and keeping things cordial is mum code for: I hope you know we’re not friends today just everything else. I also know if I’m not civil then I’m the one making drama. That means whatever point I had becomes void and I’m seen to be unreasonable. So, have a nice day, I love you.
Our kid will always come first; I’m not really sure where we come with each other at all.

This could all be my period talking 😂 but I suspect not. Anyway as always ups or downs my insta and blog must always come from a place of honesty. While I may not enjoy speaking about these kinds of things publicly, it’d be worse not to talk about them at all. So I thought I’d say it out loud: WE ARE NOT SUPERHEROES. Just Remi and Ed at month 11 week 2.

We don’t really talk about the verb of grafting and hustling. Not proper logistics of what that entails. We tend to refer to them in name only. Between parenting, university and trying to make sure next summer my writing can financially sustain me; I’m knackered. I’ve gone  into an auto hibernate mode. Trust me I’m not complaining and I feel so lucky to be able to do the things I love but it is tiring. As a result of constantly being on the go, a few pretty cool people have asked me to write or guest blog for them. That means I need to get off the 100 mph rollercoaster and get organised and creative.

It means I need to be still and listen to my thoughts. This is where my main graft is sourced. I gain most of my inspiration from everyday life by way of observation, interactions and conversation. Reflecting on how I feel about it all and what I see from it all. I make notes in the memos of my phone, most days of the things that inspire me to write.
Stewing over all these unconnected bits of information somehow, join together and make up a finished piece. Honestly, it sounds much more straightforward than it sometimes is. Anyway I’m waffling now and I just wanted to provide some insight to how I work and where it all comes from. I’m off to do what I do 2nd best. WRITE. So I can send out all the pieces I’m excited to share with you. This one was all about the how next I’ve go to do!

No not high school. This would’ve been far easier to write if it was just about that. This is about the HS in my life. Hidradenitis Suppurativa. This is a chronic skin condition and although it isn’t an autoimmune disease a lot of research has shown it has a clear relationship with the immune system. So anyway I’ve had this since I was 13 it’s basically like getting the most painful acne in your bits and pits. Luckily for me it’s stayed mainly in my armpits for the past few years. But, the boils are so painful that sometimes you can’t actually move your arms.
Unfortunately all female upkeep such as shaving, waxing and wearing deodorant can aggravate it as well. I mean come on I have to put on deodorant EVERYDAY so it’s really a never ending cycle.
According to the HS trust it’s affects 1 in every 2000 people, so it’s not that rare but there is a lot of embarrassment associated with it. I used to be very self conscious of it and I thought I had genital warts before I even lost my v plates  because I just didn’t understand what was going on. Once I’d seen a dermatologist he let me know what it was and how to treat it but he also told me there isn’t a cure. A good diet and healthy lifestyle can only alleviate the symptoms for a time and for a while that did work for me.
From around 4 months prior to getting pregnant and the whole way through my pregnancy it lay dormant. No flare ups, no twinges, nothing. However another factor that contributes to the severity of HS is stress. Obviously becoming a new mum is stressful no matter how well it’s going and my transition was definitely not smooth sailing. My labour was so traumatic I still can’t speak about the emotional effects and it’s my kids 11 month birthday today. I’ve had a flare up or two every month since I gave birth. So if I’m honest I’m only sharing this with you guys because I’m avoiding going to the hospital or conveniently forgetting and I have been for a while.
I get labour flashbacks in those places and it’s pretty grim. But I need to go because even though life’s gotten better now my HS hasn’t. What I do know is now I’ve told all of you lovely  readers I’ll feel like I’ve got to visit a Dr. While I’ve written this for you to read, I’ve also written it for myself to remember.